Wishing her well and all those who the world doesn't seem to be able to let have a space. Sinead O'Connor - Thank You For Hearing Me performance (1994)(HQ) www.youtube.com

Ha, ha. Anything to distract me from my thoughts!! So here's the publishing list: Meeting Coty - out there. Erosion - out there to download, almost there in hard copy. Monster Belt - in edit and some rewrite. Leaving Coty - just about ready to go. Jiddy Vardy - finished but too short and needs some rewriting. Nothing Compares - Mmm. Will think about its status. So that's it. How long is all this going to take me? At this rate, longer than it should. Back to work. On Chapter Nineteen about to type in changes...

Yesterday, I felt buoyant, so happy to be working on Monster Belt again. And today, I have that bursting feeling in my chest as the darker side of the book surfaces. These monsters are pesky things. One minute, you're rising to the challenge, the next, they seep inside and drain the tears out of your eyes. Or it feels like that, only no tears fall. You end up not knowing what's real or not. As I said, pesky things.

"The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more things that you learn, the more places you'll go." – Dr Seuss

http://www.scotclimb.org.uk/aonacheagach.shtml This is the next novel. The Monster Belt. There are many monsters out there, people, creatures, thoughts, dreams, buildings, companies, places. Aonach Eagach Ridge in Glencoe is one of them. Climbed it years ago, unroped (wouldn't happen nowadays) just after falling on Bidean Nam Bian the day before, being grabbed by the shoulder and told to 'keep climbing and don't look down.' Again, wouldn't happen nowadays. The other side of monsters though, you always have to rise to the challenge, find their other side and survive....isn't fiction great? Glencoe: Aonach Eagach www.scotclimb.org.uk Hillwalking the Aonach Eagach ridge in Glencoe

Also being released in May in hard copy. ISBN 978-0-9572222-0-5 at £7.99

Which is worse? Desperately wanting to say something to someone and not being able to find the right words, or realising that there is nothing left to say?

Another great Biodanza yesterday. Every time it surprises, bringing with it something new. Laughed, smiled so much my face ached, let go, reached up, out, inward and around. Loved the gentle stroking - simple things often the most affective and the containment which sounds awful, but was really just being held and supported. And of course, lots of dancing in any way you want to do it! Easy to be cynical about things like this, but it works. That's all there is to it really: it works. Many thanks to Antoinette and everyone there. Whoever wasn't there, was missed. XX

The Miracle Worker clip

Poetry

Sometimes someone else's words say what's in our mind. This is from Mary Oliver's 'Dogfish.'

'I wanted the past to go away,
I wanted
to leave it, like another country; I wanted
my life to close, and open
like a hinge, like a wing, like
the part of the song
where it falls
down over the rocks: an explosion,
a discovery;
I wanted
to hurry into the work of my life;
I wanted to know,
whoever I was, I was

alive
for a little while.'

Moving On

I've realised this is definitely grieving. Last year I met someone who I thought was a certain type of person and then it came to light that they weren't that personality; they were someone else. And that's fine, they're still a great person, just I have no connection with them. I would love them to be who I at first thought, but that's not the reality, so I'm grieving for someone who never was. And it's time now; time to put that image away and get on with real life.

Ramblings

The Wharfedale Newspaper group have been in touch. They're going to do a covering piece on Erosion this or next week. The thing is, I've received a copy of Erosion and I'm making so many changes. I can't believe it. How many times have I edited? And it's on Amazon as an e-book. This is unprofessional. I thought it was ready. This is my syndrome. I grow impatient. And I rush.
This copy makes it easier to spot errors though. Will definitely do this in future. A computer screen isn't the same at all. And nor is printed up pages for some reason. The book is the thing!

It's drizzling. Everyone is still asleep. Could they sleep all day? Twenty-four hours and then I retain the peace of the house?

I'm edgy. Dis-satisfied, not content, frustrated. Need to fly away.

Erosion and reviews

Oh and did an interview with Whitby Gazette about 'Erosion.' Hard copy out soon, they'll be reviewing it and are running a competition to win copies. And the sun shone! And now it's this week...

'That is what learning is. You suddenly understand something you've understood all your life, but in a new way.' (Doris Lessing)

Women and groups and humour and strength

Last year I fell down, I've picked myself up several times, but not managed to stay up. Now, finally, I think I can. And the most important thing is, I won't give myself a hard time if I buckle a little. That's okay. Because for most of the time I'm standing up!
Last week, I met an inspiring group of women. I meet inspiring women all the time, but last week, it was a g-dung, g-dung moment. These women aren't well, in varying degrees and yet they support each other, laugh, a lot, banter, don't moan, make huge efforts and generally get on with things with humour. That is a massive key. Humour. I was extremely privileged to attend two of their exercise classes at Whitby Leisure Centre. All the people, mainly women, are referred to the class via their doctors or the hospital. They welcomed me and it was a wonderful experience to be with them.
Yet again, and I've been learning this for a while, the strength of a group. Very, very powerful and it can be used across the board. The support of a group in generating health, happiness and well-being cannot be underestimated.
Thank you to all those I met last week, at the Leisure Centre, the cafe owners by the beach in Whitby, market stall owners, all. And it's not only Yorkshire women, one was from Manchester and two from London. Thank you.