Monster Belt - Chapter 20

Monster Belt - Chapter 20 ....Cheeks glowing pink with the breath of dreams, Jess snuggled deeper into her thick sleeping bag and turning her head, hair rustling against cotton, stared into Harris' inert face. he breathed unconsciously loud, like a child with no worries. Any moment, he could open his eyes and then they would gaze directly at each other and that child would be gone and he'd feel the stinging cuts and tender bruises of his fall. But at that moment, he appeared peaceful. Veins stood out on his closed eyelids making them ethereal membranes. His face, flushed with sleep, made his tan more perfect and her fingers twitched to touch his unblemished skin. If only she could soothe away pain, maybe then they'd both be ready to let someone in, someone who looked to the future, not the past.

Monster Belt - Chapter 19

Monster Belt - Chapter 19 ......'How are you getting on with my book?' Harris asked between mouthfuls. Jess, fork poised, didn't immediately answer. She carried it now permanently in her bag, thinking she'd pick it up again and read a bit further, but never did. 'Fine,' she prised a chunk of lamb into her mouth. A group of cyclists, in their sleek fluorescent and black, sped across the square and a rust splattered Orangina sign spun on its access. Faded plastic strips in a doorway flapped then hung still. White dust flurried under silent trees. They ate with little conversation after that, until Harris stretched his legs, leaving Jess to drink coffee as he strode across the square to where the Volvo stood, bonnet raised and boiler suited mechanic peering inside. She pulled 'In the Eye of the Beholder' from her bag, placed it on the table and sipped her coffee again. The old women watched, black eyes vigilant and she flicked over the pages. Harris' meanderings no long puzzled her. If it had been anyone else, she'd have assumed they weren't serious about finding out what had killed Jonty; as it was, she recognised his fear and inability to face it.'

Monster Belt - Chapter 18

Monster Belt - Chapter 18 .....'Come on, swimming first,' he dragged her, splashing, into the water, 'you can put me through my climbing paces later.' 'Are you nuts?' she pulled her hand away. 'It's best at night,' he glanced over his shoulder at her, 'no-one about, so no distractions.' 'I can enjoy the water perfectly well in daytime, thank you, better in fact because I'm not worried about what I can't see swimming about out there,' she held back. She knew she made sense. Darkness hanging over and below held all sorts of shapes and movement that she didn't want to encounter. 'It's too cold,' she stepped backwards, 'Let's go, we can set off early tomorrow if we go to bed now.' That sounded pathetic. It never worked speaking when caught off guard and there he stood, his back to her, refusing to budge. She'd never been in the sea at night before. She'd paddled in the shallows, walking barefoot along a shoreline with lights of a promenade shimmering like jewels, but never been lifted off her feet,drifting into free fall. It somehow felt enticing, floating in darkness, stars sparkling down,where she'd find she belonged to something bigger, the way she did lying on moorland grass listening to grasshoppers and starlings on a summer's day. Here, stretched under the sky, fear might similarly dissipate.

Monster Belt - Chapter 17

Monster Belt - Chapter 17 ......'Not a laugh a minute,' she thought as she followed the waiter to their table. She'd written the story when she was fourteen or fifteen. He'd been twelve when he'd begun his. She hoped his had a happy ending; she didn't want to think about how hers would end. Was it any wonder she wrote of death knowing as she did, cold brittle moorland grass and wet, bone-chilling winter afternoons? A large grey barn of a place could be turned into a prison with a life sentence. What did he know about that or about a teenager stuck in time becoming a dead body buried in ice? No wonder she kept her stories hidden in a box. Remember the mountain top, she reminded herself, remember the purity of those clouds and make sure you shut the fuck up in future.

Monster Belt Chapter 16

Monster Belt - Chapter 16 .....It was the same overpowering feeling of being alive that she had felt on reaching the top of Bi

dean Nam Bian, or straddling Aonach Eagach Ridge. It was that pure,clean achievement of looking across an unstained world and all the danger of those times and places came flooding back.

Monster Belt - Chapter 15 ........'What's a Kraken?' jess controlled her voice from shooting off the Richter scale. 'I wasn't positive they existed. As I told you, you've got to see for yourself, but...' 'I thought it was a giant octopus,' she interrupted. 'No...' 'It had tentacles and looked...' 'Definitely a Kraken,' he stressed, 'Krakens usually live at the bottom of the sea, so when you're out in your boat, all you might think is that you're passing through shallower waters. They very rarely come to the surface but if they do, they can stay there for months, maybe years. That's why moss and lichen grows over them, sometimes small bushes.' 'Harris, that was so dangerous. We could have drowned.' She didn't need a crypto zoologist lesson when he needed a crack over the head. He turned the wheel. 'It was irresponsible,' she muttered. 'Shut the door, would you?' She yanked it closed. 'I'm sorry,' he didn't look in her direction, 'but you know when you start to lose faith?' She grabbed hold of the counter. She wanted much more than a flippant apology without even the courtesy of his attention. And he wasn't supposed to have faith never mind lost it, he was a scientist. She was the one who had faith, putting her faith in this crazy trip.

The NHS

The NHS. I swing between how great they've been, to have one word or small action by an individual can tear all that down. What strikes me most is the vulnerability of the patient. How they rely on the kindness, patience and vigilance of the nurses on duty. Of information being passed on and acted on. It's scary on many levels, and one of those levels is unsure whether to insist on something being done and then leaving your loved one vulnerable to retribution, which in its lightest form, is neglect. The lightest form. Not sleeping now, worrying about my mother. Going to phone this morning and hopefully sound rational.

Monster Belt - Chapter 14

Monster Belt - Chapter 14 Harris pushed an old rowing boat away from the jetty, before slotting the oar he had used into its cradle and with long, sweeping strokes, brought them into open water. Opposite, fair-haired Sonja languished, one hand trailing. Held outside the pages, curled in her seat in the ferry lounge as if banished to the shore, Jess read on. Soon, wind off the lake chilled. Her eyes raced along the sentences and without knowing exactly when it happened, she sat in the boat with them, clenching her hands into fists around his, rowing forwards and back, reaching as far as she could in front and then pulling against him. Forward and back, stretching out then curving their spines, his breath warm on her neck and the tall woman opposite, unflinching in her seat. Jess would do all she could to remain between them, keeping Harris safe from whatever this woman threatened and within no time, she pulled him with her, taking control, forwards and back, muscles tensed then relaxed, feeling the movement in the other, staring directly into Sonja's deadened eyes.

Monster Belt - Chapter 12

'The drive to Hamar on Lake Mjosa took two hours,' he wrote, 'with the heater on full, the car soon warmed up.' She took off her cardigan, pictured the car as he described, crates, bags and cases in the boot, a box behind his seat. Music. As he drove off the Danish ferry when it reached Finland, evening sunshine illuminated low fields darkening as the sun set until only grass verges showed in the headlights' spill. Half tempted to snap the book closed, she noticed the elder boy from earlier watching. Damn it, she thought, where's his parents? She looked back at the book. Words began to merge through the long journey and her head, in the quiet of his vehicle, began to nod. 'Shit.' He slammed on the brakes and dazed, she looked up. Static in the beam of the headlights stood a woman staring directly at them. Harris released his seatbelt, clambered out and strode towards the blond haired woman. 'Are you all right?' he put out his hand. The woman didn't speak. Harris gestured to the car and stumbling ahead in his haste, opened the rear door. She doesn't speak English, you daft sod, Jess thought.

TWITTER

JUST OPENED A TWITTER ACCOUNT AND TWEETED MY FIRST TWEET. Strange experience. Yet another distraction from writing, but necessary I'm told. So. Ruth Estevez@RuthEstevez2 has joined the millions.

Monster Belt - Chapter 11 Back on deck, in a sheltered corner, he zipped up his fleece and stretched out on a sun-lounger, remembering her expression when she'd slapped the slim school exercise book with its flower stickers and teenage girl's doodles into his hand. 'Read it then,' she'd challenged, only he hadn't. Not then. He recalled how she'd picked it up hastily from the sofa or table, he'd forgotten which and how she looked embarrassed and he'd made a joke about packing up her entire room, curtains and all and she'd blushed. He thought it a teenage girl's diary. He hadn't known her very well back then. Back then, he had merely a gut feeling that he wanted to know her better. Not in the habit of delving into people's personal lives, he didn't look up profiles and distrusted rooting around in scribbled down emotions, so had pushed the bright, flimsy book into a space between boxes in the boot of the car. Since then however, he'd come to realise that she hid something that bothered her deeply and now they were on the boat and the purpose of their trip about to start in earnest, he didn't want any surprises. She'd told him to read it; she must want someone to know.

Monster Belt - Chapter Ten .........'We were in the science lab,' she hoped her story would make him open up, 'I sat on the second row from the back. Mr. Newman stood on the platform at the front showing us how to take a blood sample. He pricked his thumb and smeared blood onto a slide. One minute I was watching and the next, dangling from my stool. Martin Rose sat behind me, shouted out that I'd fainted and tried to lift me back up but I was a dead weight so I slipped through his arms. People kept telling me about it afterwards,' she built momentum, 'I banged my chin on the desk and the back of my head on the floor. I remember that. When I opened my eyes, I was staring at Mr. Newman's grey beard. Scary.' A small laugh. 'He said I didn't have to do the test,' she paused now, conscious she'd been rattling on and he stared, so slowing down, 'that's the last time we saw him. When he looked at his blood under the microscope,' suddenly, she felt breathless and the words came out stunted, 'he couldn't find any white blood cells, so went to see his Doctor. I can't remember who told us, but he had leukaemia and died about three months later. I suppose I'm telling you this so you know I can't stand the sight of blood.' You idiot, she thought, boring, boring idiot, boring him with stuff and sounding so shallow. He didn't say anything. She'd spoken about death when that was already foremost in his mind. She'd made him think of Jonty. She always rambled and people went quiet and she knew she'd said too much but she couldn't tell him that she was sick of people dying; that at twenty-one she'd already had a lifetime of dead relatives and old people her mum had known and got her to care about.

Monster Belt - Chapter Nine .......She was learning how to gauge him, but one chapter barely scratched the surface; she needed more. She could already see their differences, being brought up in a bone achingly cold moorland village turned you inwards, whilst he, growing up on a white sanded, skin bronzing island, exposed every shade of emotion. 'I don't believe in the Mere Monster,' she said, 'I'm sorry, I know you do, but you didn't grow up in Hawksmoor and everyone there knows it's a myth.' 'Why are you here, then?' he refastened his bag. 'I need to earn some money.' His silence spoke volumes. He didn't like talking about money and she'd mentioned it twice now; about how he funded his travels and now her own state of affairs. She didn't know why you shouldn't talk about it but she knew people didn't like it and that made her awkward. 'What about the monster in here?' Harris reached over and gently touched her forehead. She jumped as if she'd had an electric shock.

Monster Belt - Chapter 8 Part of the way in..... ‘You’ve got to explain this Monster Belt to me,’ she said, ‘it doesn’t make sense.’ He turned his head, his expression serene. ‘It must be massive,’ she continued, ‘how on earth do you expect to find anything on it, in it, how do you say it?’ He smiled and suddenly helooked tired. She kept forgetting that it didn’t work to treat other people as if they thought and felt the same when they were overwhelmed by their own needs. ‘It’s okay,’ she added, ‘you can tell me another time.’ ‘It’s the area between two latitudes,’ he said as if she hadn’t spoken again, ‘Research shows that it’s where most monsters in the northern hemisphere are reported to be found.’ ‘Who says this?’ said Jess, ‘there are monsters everywhere, not clustered together as if certain countries have a monopoly.’ She stopped. That was something she never admitted aloud. ‘Of course they’re everywhere,’ he said, as though it were evident, ‘the clincher is why more people see them in these latitudes than others.’ She thought for a moment. It should be obvious, some people went looking and others didn’t. Some actively searched for monsters while others stayed where they were, keeping busy so they didn’t see anything they didn’t want to see. Some sought creatures out, some closed their eyes, but that should make an average over the world, even things out in every country, make sightings a level figure whichever latitude you lived on. But she did know why. She knew that the majority followed the crowd and the crowd stuck to the main path; the path carrying coffins across moors, the grassy track leading to the Mere when there must be other lakes, camp sites by Loch Ness and treks in the Himalayas. Only if that was the case then why did she see monsters even when she didn’t venture anywhere?

Monster Belt, Chapter 7

Monster Belt - Chapter 7 When her Dad turned off the Hoover and looked at her with his dog -brown eyes, she almostt changed her mind. Standing in the doorway between the hall and living room, she yearned to stretch out her arms, press her palms against the door frame and stop herself from going in and hugging him because if she did go in and feel his warm, safe embrace, she definitely wouldn't leave. He'd dropped her off at her first teenage party and said he liked her eye shadow and the unexpectedness of the comment made her love him more. He stuck up for her when her mother stuck up for everyone else. He did silly dances for their entertainment.