Friday 31 August 2012

Monster Belt - Chapter 40

Harris’ fists tingled to hit something or somebody. He’d never had this feeling before and it shocked him. He’d seen violence on the island, kids treated roughly as if they didn’t have a right to be upset. ‘You’re so lucky,’ they were told, ‘living in paradise, no school as such, no rules. You can do what you want. Kids at home would give their right arm for such freedom.’ He’d always thought that odd. That adults still called the UK home. It made the kids on Formentera feel as if they’d been adopted and didn’t belong to anyone or to anywhere. Jonty hadn’t cared. ‘Fuck ‘em,’ he’d said. That’s why they spent so much time at sea.

Wednesday 29 August 2012

29th of August 1991

And looking back a little further. My dad died three months before Genevieve was born. Genevieve will be twenty-one in December. I wish both she and Miranda had known him. He loved playing with young ones, talking to teenagers, relating to young people. He loved playing his music and dancing to The Village People and performing his 'set pieces.' He used to lie on the floor and balance us on his hands, on his chest, when we were little and say we were up there with the 'crowned heads of Europe' and I hadn't a clue what he was on about. And he'd chase us up the stairs to bed with us shrieking!!! He's buried just off the moors in Haworth in Yorkshire with a view across the valley. I expect my sister and mum are up there today.

Thursday 23 August 2012

Thursday, this time last year

I lot has happened over the last year. This day last year, it felt as if I'd been kicked in the stomach and shoved into an abyss and left alone without a rope to climb out. Friends came to help, but it's one of those climbs that only has space for one. First month, I cried. Then I turned fifty. Friends and family thought my state was all down to the menopause. It was suggested I see a councillor. My personality was questioned. I started to climb. Fell. Sat. Lay down. Never wanted to get up as I began to prefer the darkness to the patch of light at the top. Then family and friends' calling was too much to resist. Felt strong again. Then in December, that tingle of the opportunity of another way of living again. That tingle I'd felt after The Tribe of Doris when a simpler, gentler, more encompassing, rewarding, more natural way of life seemed possible. When that hope of achieving that seemed snatched away, I crumbled, but I now knew I was growing stronger again. Yes, the menopause played a part. I know that now. I knew it at the time, but didn't admit it openly. Early 2012, my periods stopped. Fantastic. I didn't think so at first. I thought, my bones will grow brittle, I'll put on a ton of weight, I won't be able to dance the same, my skin will dry up. It hasn't. It will at some point, but that doesn't matter so much. It's August now. A year on. No periods since early this year and I feel emotionally strong again. And I feel that, without worrying about it, without planning, or looking or even not looking, life will take care of things. I can have that simpler life, not yet, but it is possible. And anyway, I do actually like a great deal, a very great deal of my life now.

Wednesday 22 August 2012

Continuing inspiration

The Eiger: The Fatal Attraction which was on BBC 4 'If Everest is the ultimate mountain, the North Face of the Eiger is the Alpine climber's ultimate challenge. More than 60 climbers have perished attempting to scale what amounts to a vertical mile of stone and ice haunted by howling winds and falling rocks. If the weather is clear, it's all on view to spectators on the terraces of Grindelwald. But there's an awful aura of defeat and death that surrounds the face. Here's a straightforward history (first shown two years ago) of the repeated attempts to scale the murderous face. It unfolds in parallel with the story of an attempt by two British mountain guides, Kenton Cool and Neil Brodie. As with all mountain tales, it's utterly gripping (Geoff Ellis) I see programmes like this and it brings back the buzz I felt when climbing and also the knowledge that once you lose your nerve, it is difficult to get it back. Not impossible, but not easy.

Wednesday, this time, last year

Wednesday, this time last year, I was riding high after the most enriching, soul nurturing, fun, greatest festival I've ever been to, The Tribe of Doris. The days following, I floated on clouds, contemplating what I really wanted for the future and how it would be possible to make those ideas happen. Such a wonderful Wednesday.

Tuesday 21 August 2012

Wow. Some time since I've written here. I seem to be updating on Facebook and commenting there...the Glencoe photographs were interesting. Did we climb there? How did we survive?! Anyway, it's helped. Helped the story of Monster Belt, so that's good. And what else? So much with Juba do Leao. We're performing at Solfest in the Lake District this weekend. Fab stuff.

Sunday 12 August 2012

I was given a disc with some photographs of a climbing trip to Glencoe today. I was fifteen. I am now fifty. This is the first time I have been nervous of looking at photographs. Here we go...

Saturday 11 August 2012

The Sea, The Sea and the thoughts and feelings it leads to.