Thursday, this time last year

I lot has happened over the last year. This day last year, it felt as if I'd been kicked in the stomach and shoved into an abyss and left alone without a rope to climb out. Friends came to help, but it's one of those climbs that only has space for one. First month, I cried. Then I turned fifty. Friends and family thought my state was all down to the menopause. It was suggested I see a councillor. My personality was questioned. I started to climb. Fell. Sat. Lay down. Never wanted to get up as I began to prefer the darkness to the patch of light at the top. Then family and friends' calling was too much to resist. Felt strong again. Then in December, that tingle of the opportunity of another way of living again. That tingle I'd felt after The Tribe of Doris when a simpler, gentler, more encompassing, rewarding, more natural way of life seemed possible. When that hope of achieving that seemed snatched away, I crumbled, but I now knew I was growing stronger again. Yes, the menopause played a part. I know that now. I knew it at the time, but didn't admit it openly. Early 2012, my periods stopped. Fantastic. I didn't think so at first. I thought, my bones will grow brittle, I'll put on a ton of weight, I won't be able to dance the same, my skin will dry up. It hasn't. It will at some point, but that doesn't matter so much. It's August now. A year on. No periods since early this year and I feel emotionally strong again. And I feel that, without worrying about it, without planning, or looking or even not looking, life will take care of things. I can have that simpler life, not yet, but it is possible. And anyway, I do actually like a great deal, a very great deal of my life now.