Coming to the end.

This is hard. I want to protect all the people in the Chalet Park and I can't.

Writing dialogue

Funny when you have conversations with yourself. I'm working on Erosion now, and it's great, I'm on a roll with chalets collapsing, ground falling away, the shock and devastation.
And then I paused, listening to the characters' words as I was reading them aloud. I imagined I was at the Writers' group and someone said, '....I don't agree with their views.'
And I said, 'Well, they're not you. They don't live in Chorlton, they weren't teachers at universities, they don't quaff wine and go to writers' groups...' and then I started crying.
Someone asked if they were based on people I knew. Not exactly. Definitely not exactly, but they're based on people I've known but only in a hazy estimation (that's not a cop out) and these people with this other way of thinking and living in a world that no longer exists are all dead. And it upset me. And then I realised why these characters have these views. I want the people I knew to be heard. I just want them to be heard. That's all.

Titles

'Meeting Coty' came so easily. The next book was going to be 'Leaving Coty' but the emphasis of the book has changed. It is complete in itself, so that title doesn't sound quite right. Or does it? Mmmm. I've had, 'Essence of Coty,' 'To Coty, With Love,' 'Splintered Glass,' 'Choosing Coty,' 'Trusting Coty' and others, many others...

Erosion was easy. The Monster Belt was. So was Jiddy Vardy. Why is this so difficult? I even had 'Loving Coty.'

Alan Sillitoe to Stan Barstow

Alan Sillitoe died at the weekend. He wrote Saturday Night, Sunday Morning amongst others. Last of the Kitchen sink authors? I heard the news on the radio this morning. A short piece on Radio Four. I didn't realise the french loved his work long before he was recognised here. They loved him for his writing, not the subject matter. He was seen from a young age as highly literary. And he left school at fourteen. That suggests that all is not lost if youngsters leave school early. But then they need some drive to see them through.

Big debate there.

As I said earlier, my final study for my degree, the english, not the drama part, was on Stan Barstow. Another Kitchen Sink writer. It's the passion that drew me. Feeling out of place with all those around you. Striving for something and succeeding in finding it or not. Frustration coming out as anger.

Definitely worth a read. Or would I prefer to read another of those novels on shopping? Can I debate that when I haven't read any? I think A Kind of Loving is pulling me that way.

Writing again.

I've been working on Leaving Coty again today after nearly three weeks of sewing costumes, rehearsing, Easter holiday visits, family stuff and sewing costumes for last Thursday's show at the RNCM.
Monday. Don't know how I feel. Restless. The writing has gone amazingly well considering the break. I started with typing up some changes, printing up what I had so I could read without a mess of crossings out and little stars and inserts etc. And I'm further on with the book than I thought. Hooray! Tomorrow I will be less distracted, less likely to check facebook and flickr and Youtube for photos and comments on the gig. Less likely to sit dreaming. Less likely to think if I have my life in order. I know I haven't.
But I do know I have to finish Leaving Coty soon. Very soon. I hope I've got the passion in there whilst reining it back, I hope I've said all I want to say. I hope. In fact, forget that. I'm not hoping, I'm working on it. Tessa is so far from getting things right. She's trying hard, wading in the mud, only realising near the end of the book that we think the world is full of what we want when in fact, it isn't full at all, it's only full if we say 'yes' to opportunities. If we let them go, the world is empty, but if we do take them, then yes, then it is full. Does that make sense? Or too cryptic?
It's simple in some ways for her. She is catholic, she follows certain rules and she believes in second chances. Not everyone does though. I'm trying to be honest in what happens. I like her very much. I feel for all of the characters. Environment can screw us all up and for that we can only look on at what people do.
I loved dancing last Thursday. I love dancing. But I'm so glad to have my writing.
Must find some pictures to show you...